I am working tomorrow (Saturday), so I have a 1/2 day today, although I think I will just be coming home and sleeping as I had a bit of a rough night sleepwise.
To fill you in on what has been happening. Although I am gluten free and have been strict with that since around Christmas (prior to that I used to just say -oh it doesn't affect me that much) my Dermatitis Herpetiformis is actually really bad, and most of my body is so itchy it feels like a million ants are having a party. I was off work two days last week as I had not been sleeping at night as the itching was so bad I was getting exhausted.I actually came home on Wednesday after getting to work and then throwing up. Came home and slept for a large portion of the day and thought I was fine, but another sleepless night sent me off to the Dr's
My GP took a look at my skin, and as he is not familiar with the drug they are thinking of putting me on, has referred me back to the specialist, which is what I wanted as with my liver I have to be careful about drug combinations. So in the meantime, I am on anti-histamines and sleeping pills so I can at least function......now the sleeping pills kick in after about 10 mins of taking them and I usually just pop onto facebook just before bed, so some of my more recent comments on people's posts, I either don't remember or they look to me (fully awake) that it was my 5 year old self who must have written them......too funny.
What is all of this doing for my weight......well I had decided to record my weigh ins.....and since my last one ( and the new drug combination) I have gained 2.9kgs. to 121.3 kgs......obviously not the direction I want to be heading in, and although there has been no wheat or gluten there has been some carbs(rice & Potato, and the odd pinky bar). Partially as Simon is reluctant (very) to stop carbs and I have to respect that this is his journey with his body, but I can't seem to get them completely out of the system. I know that when I have them, I am feeling yuckier in myself after I have eaten them (apart from the pinky bar) but the taste at the time is yummy. I can hear both Lynda and Andrea (my surgeon's wife) in my head telling me all the great things about why I shouldn't eat it, and I somehow either convince myself or let myself be convinced that it is just one meal, it won't matter.........or just dammit, I want it, so I'm going to have it. It really doesn't help that when you are feeling so low due to the other health issues that by not having "something" you want you feel deprived.........it is a vicious cycle as I am sure that in some ways they are all linked. In fact, I am pretty sure that I might even be reacting to artificial sweetner.......but if I take that out as well, it will really feel like I am missing out on some things.
I joked with Simon yesterday when he suggested about cutting out all artificial sweetner that I may as well just live in a cardboard box with nothing.......and he told me that would be stupid as he was pretty sure the cardboard box would be considered a carb....!!!!! Oh I wish I could just get someone to put me into a medically induced coma, and just feed me the things I need and let the weight fall off......or at least find a way for me to put the food desire and associated 'wants' into some sort of coma. Over it!